Hate what you love, Love what you hate
by Aiyatsuki
Summary: Envy is not only starting to mess with Ed's head but his heart as well. Why can't Fullmetal straighten out his feelings? Why is nothing as simple as it was before? [EnvyEd] Warning: contains shonenai. [DROPPED]


**Title:** Hate what you love... Love what you hate...

**Pairing:** Envy x Ed (I shall warn you one last time that there is boy x boy love involved. If you read, please keep an open mind and don't flame me for this pairing)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own FMA however much I wish I did xD

He had taught the young alchemist to both love and hate him. Yearn for him yet despise him. Want him yet fear him. He was both the air Ed breathed and the poison that killed. The homunculus had taught Ed exactly what he never thought was possible.

Cold fingers ran through Ed's blond hair, down his neck, then slowly traced his spine until his entire body began to shiver. The doppelganger watched Ed quietly, amusement shining in his violet eyes – amusement that mocked the young alchemist, belittled him. Yet Ed couldn't get enough of it. No matter what his eyes held, whether it be hatred or condescendence or something utterly unreadable, Ed just couldn't help but want them to be focused on him, always. _He_ had instilled this want in the boy.

"Humans can really be quite pathetic, don't you agree, O'Chibi-chan?" the homunculus whispered, his breath gently grazing Ed's skin.

The boy didn't answer.

"It's too bad I can't feel what you feel, isn't it?" he leaned in and dropped a few icy kisses down Ed's neck, "Tell me… what is it like to not be needed? To be used like a toy? To be tampered with whenever I'm bored and then thoughtlessly discarded a few moments later?"

Ed was silent.

"Do you hate me? Do you want to _kill_ me?" He pressed lips onto the boy's, forcing Ed's jaw to slacken so that he could slowly, curiously explore the confines of a human mouth with his cold lifeless tongue.

It felt so strange. A burning sensation raced through Ed's veins and yet, at the same time, it was as if every part of his body was being encased in ice. Part of him wanted to push the homunculus away and part of him wanted to stay like this forever. Unable to stop himself, Ed let out a few soft moans as a hundred different emotions clashed inside of him. _More…_ a voice within him urged _…more…need more…_

Lost in a sea of confused feelings and thoughts, Ed felt his body lean in, but as he expected, the other pulled away, left him hanging, for satisfaction was not something the homunculus would willingly give.

"Truly pathetic…" he heard the shapeshifter whisper and the words burned holes into Ed's heart.

The alchemist turned away, his confused sadness quickly evaporating into anger, or as close to it as he could get. "I am not a toy," he said. He had hoped that he'd sound enraged but when the words came out, there was little to no force behind them. More like a request. Something like, _Please don't treat me like a toy_. Ed lowered his head so that his blond bangs hid his face from view. What was happening to him? Hadn't it only been last week when he'd felt true anger and true hate. When they had first met, there were no mixed emotions. Everything was simple and straightforward. Why was it that, now, he could no longer think straight? Every time he felt he needed the homunculus, he also felt afraid. Every time he wanted the shapeshifter to leave, he couldn't help but want him to stay.

"Then what are you? A slave, perhaps?" the homunculus ran a finger down Ed's bare chest, stopping to give his nipples a bored squeeze, as if he were just seeing what reaction the alchemist would give him. An incoherent sound escaped Ed's lips, something between a moan and _stop_. "Tch," the shapeshifter smirked, "Don't tell me what you are and what you aren't, you little whore," he snapped, "You are a toy, nothing more. Just a useless piece of shit I play with every now and then."

Those last words echoed in Ed's mind and he felt his eyes burn. An odd feeling stirred in his chest. His heart was beating faster. His breath, shallower. He hated this soulless creature in front of him. He hated him with all his heart!

Before he could stop himself, Ed felt his knee make contact with the homunculus's stomach, knocking him down onto the floor. Then he raised his fists and slammed them, one after another into the other's face. Again and again and again, until he lost count. When, finally, his anger abated, Ed looked up to see the shape shifter's bruised lips break into a smirk.

"Why?" he screamed. "Why?" he sobbed. _Why?_

Slowly, Ed felt the homunculus slip out from underneath him and two cold hands gently cupped his tear-stained face.

"Pathetic little idiot…" a voice whispered in his ear, as a pair of icy lips brushed past his. It was soft. It was quick. It was nothing more than a mere touch. But it made Ed say the words he had never dared to say before.

"Envy, I… love you…" barely a whisper, but still audible.

It sounded so out of place and in the silence that followed, Ed wondered if it would be wise to meet Envy's eyes. He decided to take a quick glance. What he saw in those purple eyes was more unreadable than any of the feelings he'd ever felt. There was something between shock and fear and anger and despair. Something that made him almost contemplate the truth of his confession.

"No…" Envy said at last. He drew his hands back, stood up, and walked to the door. His fingers hovered over the metal doorknob and he hesitated. The room was silent – still – but everything seemed to be waiting. Finally, Envy turned around snapped, "Don't joke with me! You don't love me, you _hate_ me! And one of these days, when you finally get the courage to kill me, I'll crush you!"

The door slammed shut and Ed, once again, felt lost and confused.

* * *

**A/N:** I was aiming for a consensual EnvyEd fic since there aren't many of thosearound and after reading it over a few times, I thought it sounded a bit random. The characters' emotionsjump around too much and I'm pretty sure I made them both way OOC. So I apologize. I've just been on the brink of an writer's block and I knew that ifI didn't write something soon, I won't be able to for a loooooooong long time. Also, I'm not sure if I'll make this a one-shot or continue it. I do have ideas for future chapters and leaving it like this makes it pretty random but then again, if I do continue it, I won't be able to write another chapter until two or three weeks later because finals are coming up and I've got all this other junk to deal with (recitals and whatnot) so I'm afraid some of you might get tired of waiting and give up on me... well, tell me what you guys think. 


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